Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize