Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
