Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
