In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
