I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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