You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's the barista slut.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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