it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
