Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize