Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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