3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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