no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
