You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize