just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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