im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
