Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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