I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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