I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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