I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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