Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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