Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
