Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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