you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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