so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will pee on everything he values.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
