so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
