who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
