I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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