Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
