Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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