I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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