i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
