The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
