"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
