This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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