My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
