i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
