walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
