Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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