Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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