she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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