My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
