I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
