Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its about making memories worth repressing
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
