and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
