I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
