is wine microwaveable?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize