he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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