# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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