I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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