we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
