Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
