And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize