Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
