I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
