i just had sex bonerless
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize