Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
