Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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