If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
