He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
