What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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