Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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