Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You need a sexual gate keeper
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
