hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
