The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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