so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
