i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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