Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
