If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
