and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize