Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
