he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
