you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
