i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
