I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
