my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
