ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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